Gather, good friends…
…grab a pint and join us around the hearth-fire’s glow, for this is the tale of Proteus Snowboards, wherein lies the dark origins—nay, the shrouded legend—of a magical snowboard. The prairie folk dare not speak its name, but the mountain tribes, keen to the board’s righteous power, call it the “One Board to Rule Them All.”
In ages not long past, wise smiths, led by John, of the house Moran, staked a humble claim in the shadowlands of Lakewood, Colorado – shadowed only by the noble mountain realm of the Colorado Rockies for which our wise boardsmiths chose as their noble work’s proving ground.
These brothers of craft, weary of lugging sundry planks to every peak, piste, and aspen grove, vowed to fashion a singular shred sled whose magic might bend to all whims of snow and ice, from the glassed-over slaloms of the East, to the soft, shimmering fields of powdered white – the kinds that have captivated generations of board-adorned storm chasers and placed us all on its perpetual quest.
In the deep forges where wind howls through pines and the Rockies brood ever watchful, they wrought the Adjustable Camber Mechanism: a cunning contrivance, sealed by runes and gears, by which the very shape of the board might be altered to fit the terrain or boardrider. Thus might one ride full-camber, ears peeled back, confidently hurling down hardened piste, then shift to rocker to frolic amidst the drifting swells of winter’s champagne sea. Whoso would master this board need carry no quiver of planks, for this single creation possessed the metamorphic grace of Proteus himself, the ancient sea-wanderer who could shift his shape at will.
Yet know this, gentle rider: though the craft be high, the soul remaineth free. Each Proteus board, from length small and flex light enough for budding boardriders to the grander breadths sought by hardened veterans. Boards adorned with righteous etchings featuring contemporary masterpieces and subtle nods to those halcyon seasons of the early two-thousands when baggy britches twirled above bindings and pixelated designs marked one’s allegiance. Even now, a certain gleam of mischief dances upon each topsheet—half homage, half wink—to the wild denizens of our forebearers, while also elevating the rider to choose their own banner, should they choose to set off on a path of their own making.
And lo, these boards are not forged by cold automata but by the hearty kin of Proteus who gather ’neath the Colorado sun. Every layer of fiberglass and stringer of carbon passeth through hands both deft and merry, singing chants of mountain lore as they ply their craft. Four flex realms—Soft, Standard, Stiff, and the fabled Flex-profile that seems to shift like a river in flood—attend each board’s soul, granting riders the freedom to press in the park or thund’r down corniced chutes at reckless speed.
Thus, if thou art of sturdy spirit and crave a board that shapeshifts with the ease and potency of the mantis—if thou findest joy in carving both ice and snorkeling through deep pow without pausing to swith sleds—then let Proteus Snowboards be thy banner. Take up the One Board, and thou shalt wander the untrodden corridors of winter’s domain with naught but nimble feet and a heart bold enough to conquer any slope. For in this era of myriad choices, the greatest magic lies in simplicity: One Board to Rule Them All, and in its mastery, all crave no other.
Would you like to know more?
All Proteus Snowboards are handmade in our own Lakewood, Colorado board shop. All our boards feature our patented Adjustable Camber Technology and are made with love by relatively respectable snowboarders…and that one skier.
Continue your quest for all-mountain prowess…
